I am guilt-ridden when I shout at my kids. When I lose control and cannot speak to them in the way that I tell them they should at all times.
My last blog post spoke about ‘unconditional love’ for our kids no matter what the situation. So what is it that causes me to shout and behave in an animalistic way when nursing my kids? Answer, Pressure and Tiredness.
I place all areas of my life under the microscope on regular occasions, and when I analyse why I lose control when nursing my kids, I realise it is heavily linked to those times when I am overloaded with work, activity, events, expectations and feel as if I am sinking with no offer of help on the horizon. I realise that during those times when I am fully charged up with no internal or external pressures, no matter what game plan the kids bring at me, I am able to defend. I am able to defend with such grace and finesse and feel that I have all the time in the world to deal with these matters.
But in this busy, self-centred world, with pressures and strains mounting every day, raising our kids has become difficult. With all of this we parents become physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained, which in turn creates a short circuit in our brain making it more of a challenge to nurse our kids. It is pretty obvious that our kids take the brunt of our tiredness sometimes, when our children are most in need of our time, and above all our love.
I personally feel that this inconsistency is very poor on my behalf, easy to say on reflection, but in the midst of it, I believe that I have the right to snap when my kid is acting out. In the midst of it I have no insight or coping strategy against tiredness, and I am unaware of its impact on my actions towards my kids. How does one make it up to their kids when realisation sets in? Well I can honestly say that all my actions are guilt driven. My kids can often feel this level of inconsistency coming from me, all because of pressure and tiredness. One needs to learn to spot the signs before it sets root, but once again this is easier said than done!